Not only are we duped more frequently than we believe, but manipulators frequently lose track of their actions. The behavior was imprinted during childhood. It achieved their objective of staying out of trouble and in good standing with the authorities. It went unnoticed for years. By the time you interact with them as adults, they are quite adept at what they do. Here are four signs that your grin is playing you like a violin.

Nature

Humans are by nature reciprocal creatures. A healthy relationship is built on the foundation of giving and receiving. A lack of reciprocity results in a power imbalance. As a result, gifts are a common technique for manipulation.

Worse yet, giving gifts is a frequently used technique by abusers. Michael Jackson’s accusers all asserted that he showered them with lavish gifts. They developed a strong attachment to him, particularly when it came to defending him.

We eventually agreed with my aforementioned ex that once a present is given, it is given freely. There are no clawbacks in the immediate vicinity. They are not permitted to be used as a weapon in debates. We were fortunate to discover it after only 300 bouts. Reciprocity is critical, but avoid turning it into a game. Gifts should be avoided at all costs.

The Influence of Ben Franklin

The most skilled manipulators employ this technique, and you can as well, in a positive way. It’s one of the most straightforward ways to gain someone’s approval.

Ben Franklin was opposed by a political adversary who delivered anti-Franklin speeches. Franklin recalled an old quote: “He who has done you a favor once will be more inclined to do you another than he whom you have owed.” Then he asked for a rare book from his political adversary. Ben then returned it to him, along with a heartfelt thank you note. Their political differences vanished overnight, and Franklin made a new friend.

Requesting a favor demonstrates confidence and necessity. That individual has an awareness of being chosen. You are implying that they possess abilities, skills, or resources that you do not. It preys on their insecurities and fears. If you don’t know or are angry with the requester, it creates cognitive dissonance: why am I assisting someone I don’t know or am angry with?

When your brain observes you acting irrationally, it deduces that you must be fond of the individual. After all, we solicit favors from people we respect and care about. Be suspicious of requests for favors from individuals who have an interest in you.

There was never any difficulty.

Gaslighting is a common manipulation technique that is widely misunderstood. It is from the 1938 play “Gas Light.” While his wife is away, he is left with a bossy husband who continues to rearrange the furniture in the house. When his wife inquires as to why nothing has changed, he maintains that nothing has. Then, over the course of several weeks and months, he gradually dims their lamps. When she brings it up, he continues to inquire as to whether she is seeing things and how she is feeling. She eventually reaches the same conclusion.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the victim begins to doubt the reality of the situation. For instance, your parents may swear that no childhood trauma occurred. “Oh, you’re imagining things that never occurred!” they’ll say, smiling. Despite the fact that you’ve witnessed them arrive hours late each night, your partner may claim they’ve never been late. Gaslighting will result in some of the most acrimonious arguments your relationship will ever have. Never be afraid to point it out.

Breadcrumbing is a very real danger.

When someone shows a great deal of interest in you, this is referred to as breadcrumbing. They vanish once you take the initiative to gather, make plans, or take action.

As the name implies, they provide just enough signals to keep you engaged. They enjoy your social media posts, send you messages, and even flirt with you in person. They may communicate infrequently or in bursts. If you bring up commitment while you’re still dating, they may become irritated or transform into an instantaneous zen philosopher extolling the virtues of independence.

I was breadcrumbed by a woman I met on Bumble. I learned too late that she had recently ended a relationship and was recovering. She was never serious about dating. The most common indicator of breadcrumbing is mixed signals, which almost always indicate that the other person is uninterested in you. When making decisions, trust your gut instinct. My own has grown in accuracy over time, but it was extremely accurate with people even when I was young and naive. I’m guessing it’s the same for yours.

The issue with pieces like this is that you’ve all discovered how to be more manipulative by accident. However, there is a location for your defense mechanism.

Simply keep in mind that speaking the truth is literally beneficial to your health. And, when the temptation to lie is greatest, it has been demonstrated that resisting it and remaining truthful is beneficial to one’s physical health.

To refresh your memory, the following is a summary: four deceptively pleasant characteristics of deceptive behavior

Obtaining favors from you in exchange for your favor. At all costs, the Ben Franklin Effect should be avoided.

They will shower you with gifts as a way of establishing a debt with you. Humans are by their very nature reciprocal creatures. Frequently, strings are concealed.

They behave as if there was never a problem in the first place. They dupe you into casting doubt on reality.

They are just curious enough about you to maintain your interest. They are providing you with crumbs and have no intention of providing you with a meal.